Fried

Wow! I cant' believe it's been two months since I've posted here. It's been kind of crazy around my house lately and as many good intention as I've had, I just haven't gotten it done. My brain has been fried. Too many things to do and not enough time to do them all. But I think I'm finally in a settling down place and getting back into a routine. Yay!

So, the past couple of months has been full of ups and downs. I have done really well some days and some days I have really struggled. But overall, it's been good. I have lost another 10 pounds! That brings the grand total to...

30 pounds!!! Gone!!!

I have about 5 pounds to go and I'll be back at the lowest weight I've been since we moved here in 2010. Awesome!

Over the past few months, I have made several attempts to make some sort of commitment to a "rule" to help me be healthier. I attempted to give up soda, and actually succeeded for quite a while. But, once I gave in, I'm just as hooked on it as ever. I tried to give up sweets and did that for several days, maybe even a couple of weeks, but gave in to that, too, but not nearly to the degree I was before. I committed to riding my exercise bike 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week and I do pretty well with that. I'm up to about 7 miles in 30 minutes at least 3-4 days a week. I'm pretty proud of that.

There has been one "rule" that I have set for myself that I have been able to stick to, though. In July, I gave up french fries. And I haven't had even ONE since. French fries may not sound like a big deal, but for me it was. My family tends to grab fast food a little more often than we really should. I know we're not alone in that.  When you go into a fast food restaurant, you'll notice that the menus theses days are mostly not divided into items, but meals. And most of the meals include fries. For convenience of ordering, the meals are each given a number and that's how we're programmed to order, by number. And even if we don't order by number, the cashier is trained to ask, "Do you want the meal?"

So, for me, the one who doesn't want any extra attention focused on me, the one who never wants to rock the boat, or inconvenience anyone, to order something outside the prescribed options is hard. I feel like I am holding up the flow of things when I have to explain that no, I don't want fries with that. It would be so much easier just to say, "I'd like a #1" and move on down the line. But if I order them, I am going to eat them...and I don't want to let that happen.

So, I have to change the way I think about ordering. I have to see it for what it is. Ordering my food isn't about making it easy or convenient for the person taking my order, they are doing their job in helping me get what I want. It's about choosing the food that I am going to put into my body and making the best choice I can in that moment. I have to get over my fear that I'm going to upset someone or make them work a little harder by ordering "outside the box" or asking them to hold the mayo. I have to make the best choice I can make-for ME.

And, if the movement of the scale is any indication, the momentary inconvenience at the counter to give up the fries is totally worth it. 10 more pounds down. 30 pounds all together. The weight of a toddler that I don't carry around anymore. I think I like this new way of thinking!

Never Again!

294!!!!!!!!

That's what the scale said this morning! 294! 

Now, to some of you, that would be a nightmare, but to me, it is a HUGE victory. 

294 means 20 pounds.GONE! 

I just bought a 5 bag of sugar when I went shopping. 20 pounds means there are FOUR of those bags of sugar that I am no longer carrying around all day everyday. FOUR! No wonder I was tired and lazy and didn't feel like doing anything. No wonder I was unhappy. 

But, no more! I feel so much better already. I have a loooong way to go and a hard road ahead to get there, but I am on my way. 

And to get there, there are going to be some things that I can never do again...

I can never eat anything I want and however much I want ever again.

I can never not purposely exercise my body ever again.

I can never eat a whole pint of ice cream or king sized candy bar because I'm feeling sad ever again.

I can never turn to food to fill my emotional needs ever again.

I can never not be conscious of what I put in my mouth ever again.

BUT

Along with the things I can never do, comes a list of things I never HAVE to do again. And this list makes the other list totally worth it.

I will never have to see the number 3 at the beginning of my weight ever again.

I will never have to shop in a special store for clothes because nowhere else carries my size ever again.

I will never have to fear movie theater or arena seats or restaurant booths ever again.

I will never have to avoid having pictures taken of me because the image I see doesn't match how I think I look ever again.

I will never have to miss out on the opportunity to do something I want to do because of my weight ever again

I will never have to feel like I am missing out on what God's called me to do because of my weight ever again.

   

An overdue update

I have had every intention of updating this blog many times over the past 6 weeks or so, but I haven't made it a priority and so it never got done. And I had so much to say! 

As of April 15, I was down 14 pounds and things were going great!

But since then, it's a bit of a different story. Busyness has taken over my life and I've been running from one thing to the next without much time to stop and really think about what I'm doing health-wise. I've been on auto-pilot. 

Unfortunately, my auto-pilot is programmed for a destructive path-lots of sweets, few veggies, and very large portion sizes, looking for peace through my taste buds. 

So, as much as I don't want to say it, 5 of the 14 pounds have crept back up on me over the past couple of weeks.

And it shows. In the way my clothes (don't) fit, the way I feel, the way I haven't been able to sleep. All proof to me of what I already knew. My focus has not been where it needs to be and I need to make a change. And that's exactly what I'm going to do, starting with this blog post.

My first instinct was to get myself back on track, lose those 5 pounds back, THEN update the blog. But, that wouldn't be real. 

James 5:16 says, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."

So, if I'm going to do this, I can't post only the great days and successes. I have to also post the not-so-good days and the days I fail. And when those days come, I ask you to pray for me and if you choose to share with me, I promise to pray for you, too. And together, we WILL make it!

When good food goes bad.

I am starting to realize more and more that the battle I'm facing is not about the food I eat or how much I weigh. It's an issue of the heart. The food I choose to eat, whether healthy or not, can bring me closer to God or it can get in the way of my relationship with God.

 

I started to really think about this one day last week after lunch. I've been working really hard to learn to eat smaller portions and to stop eating when I don't feel hungry anymore, not necessarily when I feel "full". I've been filling in the places where I would have eaten sweets after my meal or as a snack with fruits and veggies instead. Sounds like a good plan, right? I mean, that's what all the diet plans say. You can have as many veggies as you want.

 

So, I had finished lunch that day-a small bowl of leftover spaghetti and a good sized salad. I sat my bowl down and I thought to myself, "Wow, I can't believe how much that filled me up! I must be doing something right." No problems, so far. I'm full, I'm going to stop. Go me!

 

The next thing I thought, however, was a little different. I thought, "I need something sweet to follow that up. Wonder if we have any bananas left I can have for dessert."

 

And that's when the red flag went up in my heart. I didn't want a banana because my stomach needed to be filled. I wanted it because my sweet tooth needed to be filled. I had already had a meal to take care of my hunger and I felt full, but I did not feel SATISFIED. I was not content with what I already had. I wanted something more.

 

Once again, I was looking to food to fill a space in my life it was never designed to fill. When I try to find my satisfaction and contentment in the food I put in my mouth, I will soon find myself hungry again. The only way I can find lasting satisfaction is by looking to Jesus. He will fill me in way that will sustain me not matter what is or isn't on the plate in front of me.

 

So instead of having a banana for dessert that day, I enjoyed a heaping helping of thankfulness for what God had provided to nourish my body and for what he had revealed to me to nourish my spirit. Days later, guess which one is still filling me up?

 

 

 

 

Checking in

I'm happy to say that things have been going well for me so far on this journey. I'm finding the battle with food a lot easier than I expected it to be and a lot easier than it's ever been before. I am so thankful for the support I've received from family and friends! You guys are the best!

 

And, I am already seeing some results! Are you ready????

 

When I stepped on the scale this morning, I was thrilled to see

304.5!

That's nearly 10 pounds!

 

My monthly goal is 10 pounds, and I have almost reached that already!

 

I'm going to start using a new tool to help me this week. It's called My Fitness Pal. I have used it in the past and it has been a big help to me. I love that all I have to do is enter the my food and exercise for the day and it does all the calculations for me! Check it out!

I'd love to hear from some of you! How has the past week been for you? Are you starting to see results yet?

 

Baby steps...

Thursday morning, I faced one of my first challenges on this journey. My older kids were signed up to help run the concession stand at the Jr. Livestock Show for FOUR HOURS, and I had to stay with them. A whole morning surrounded by all those yummy treats that I love but need to avoid-nachos, hot dogs, candy, cookies, chips...all calling my name and within easy reach for the whole morning. Not something I was looking forward to, for sure.

But, much to my surprise, I made it through the whole morning and didn't get a single thing to eat (I did have a diet soda, but that doesn't really count). I was so proud of myself! I passed the test!

 

We came home to have some lunch before we had to head into town for the kids' Tae Kwon Do class. We were pressed for time, the kids were not being especially nice to one another, and I had a lot of things on my agenda that needed to get done. Not a good combination.

 

 

I was standing at the kitchen counter, making my sandwich for lunch, when I noticed the container of chocolate chips the kids had left out from breakfast. Without thinking, I reached in, grabbed a handful, and popped them in my mouth. I let the sweet, chocolatey goodness fill my taste buds and my heart. For a moment, I felt a sense of peace from the issues of the day. For a moment...

 

 

But, as quick as the chocolate melted, the stress returned and I reached for another handful. That's when God spoke to my heart. I realized that I was looking for peace in a place I was never meant to. I can find temporary peace from food, but lasting peace will only come from God.

 

 

So, I dropped the chocolate, finished making my sandwich, and thanked God for showing me that I don't have to settle for the temporary peace that comes from something that tastes good. Instead, I can have lasting peace that will stay in my heart, but not on my body!

 

 



Taking the first steps...

So, I'm not really sure what this blog is going to look like. I know that I don't want some boring list of what I ate for the day, what exercise I got, my weight and measurements, etc. I'm not a big recipe person, so I probably won't post a lot of that stuff.  And I am definitely not any sort of weight loss expert, so I don't want to give a bunch of advice.

 

I think mostly, I just want to share my real-life journey-my goals, my successes, my failures, my inspiration. I just want to be real and hopefully help someone else who is walking this same road. Because doing it together is so much better than trying to walk it alone.

 

I was trying to find a verse or a quote for this post and was having trouble thinking of one. Then I remembered this one

 

I like plans and I like schedules. So, when I think of taking a journey, I think of getting out the map, planning the route, figuring out how long it will take to get there, and the stops along the way. Then, once everything is mapped out and prepared, you can head out with assurance that you are going the right direction and will end up where you were wanting to go.

 

So, I started looking for a cute little picture with that quote on it. But, before I found one, God sent me this instead

 

 

This journey that I'm beginning now isn't going to be easily mapped out and planned ahead. I know some of the things that I need to do to help me along the way, but honestly, I don't really know where I'm headed. And that is SO SCARY for me! The fear of the unknown has held me back for so long from beginning this journey. But, no more!

 

I may not be able to see the whole staircase or even where it leads, but I do know the One who made the stairs. And as He shows me each new step, I will follow Him.

"In all your ways submit to him,    and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:6